All evening and into the night, the rain fell and froze on contact with the ground.  The soft pelting of the earth lulled me into a deep and restful sleep where I dreamt of rolling hills and mist and bare trees.  The morning light was shrouded in cloud cover.  Trees and bushes looked as if they were dipped in molten glass and glimmered silver, green, and blue against a backdrop of grey sky.  The house was hushed with the absence of electricity and the quietness was not unlike being wrapped in a cocoon of cotton batting. 

Taking a week of respite from my work is exactly what I need right now and after hauling in a load of firewood; I trudged off into the woods to my familiar favorite spot to think for a while.  The journey was relatively easy despite the ice and wet carpet of leaves and my mind wandered in large loops of reflection and remorse.  After a while, with numb ears and a runny nose, I turned and backtracked to the warmth of home.  The power still wasn’t on and wouldn’t return until late that evening, so I sipped hot tea with milk and honey and read by oil lamp light until my thoughts could not be held back anymore.  I sat quietly in the dim light . . . thinking. 

When I first visited “blogland” a few years ago, I wasn’t really certain what I expected, but I thought it might be a nice place for me to forge friendships with ‘like minded fellows’.  Not exclusively with gay men necessarily, but with others who have open minds and hearts.  I saw this as an outlet to flex some of my creative writing muscle that had atrophied.  At first it was easy.  Ideas seemed to flow unabated and witty stories, ideas, reflections, and thoughts just seemed to happen on their own – at least one might think so from the comments posted.  Some of my best posts were those first ones, which were lost when I migrated from Blogger.  Those long awaited friends did show and I was really thinking that I had hit on the most brilliant gift internet technology has to offer us.  Soon, however, it was apparent that the acquaintances drift in and out just like in real life and the plentiful well of ideas about which to post went dry. 

I have to admit that this whole blogging thing has really been a disappointment to me.  Living in a small, isolated town with no other gay men as friends is very difficult sometimes.  I honestly thought that by jumping into this medium meant that I would maybe remedy that.  Save for meeting a couple of very nice men, it didn’t exactly transpire that way.  In fact, I feel more marginalized and neglected than I ever did before.  It’s a bit like once again being the skinny geek in high school who has a crush on the basketball star who wouldn’t be caught dead being seen with him.  The meanest most damaging thing you can ever do to crush someone’s spirit is to ignore them and I’ve hurt myself by the actions of others.  Note that "I" hurt myself.  We are responsible for how we feel – no matter how hard it is to believe otherwise.

Cold winter weather naturally slows everything.  Flowers die and trees hibernate as new seeds buried deep in the ground anticipate the rebirth of the newness of spring.  And so it seems like a good idea to let my tiny insignificant part of the World Wide Web die off too and allow new things and projects to flourish.  To turn the page, so to speak, and look forward to the new chapter.

For those that have read and commented I am most grateful and honored that you found something that you thought was of value.  I am astounded at the number of return visits to this little old blog that is merely just a compilation unimportant stuff that rattles around in my head.  It boggles my mind.  I am truly humbled and I thank you for reading.  Thank you to Best Gay Blogs for featuring me a few times as well.  What an honor!  For those that once befriended me, I also thank you.  The relationship may not have lasted, but I am a better man because of the experience and I have only love in my heart for you guys.  I've learned much from you all.  I've also learned a bit more about me, and that can only be a good thing. 

I wish you all the very, very best and I hope that all of your dreams and desires will become manifest in the up and coming new year. 

With much love and appreciation, 

Curtis

And here is the last installment of ‘Heroes of Healthcare’.

For December, we focus on Benjamin Rush. 

Born in Byberry, Pennsylvania in 1746, Dr. Benjamin Rush was known as a dynamic and controversial figure during the American Revolution.  Rush served as a surgeon in the Continental Army and was the only physician to risk life and freedom by signing the Declaration of Independence.  Rush’s contributions to medicine were no less significant. 

Through his medical practice, lectures, and writings, Rush gained a reputation as one of the leading physicians and medical theorists in the young nation and is widely regarded as a pioneer in both physiology and psychiatry.  Rush solidified his reputation through his actions during the yellow fever epidemic that swept Philadelphia in 1793.  While scores of people fled, Rush remained in the city tending to the thousands stricken with the disease. 

Dr. Rush was a founder of the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, of Dickenson College, and of Franklin College.  Benjamin Rush was at the height of fame in 1813 when he died in Philadelphia at age 68.

Mirth and cheerfulness, when employed as remedies in low spirits, are like hot water to a frozen limb.