It’s In Our Hands . . .
March 29th, 2010
So. We finally got our census form delivered rather unceremoniously in a plastic bag thrown on our front porch. I would think the better place for it would have been hung on the door knob, but okay, the important thing is we got it.
I brought the envelope inside and opened it up. It was addressed to the resident(s) of 509 Starke Blvd.
The problem is, I don’t live at 509 Starke Blvd. That address is about two miles away from where we live. Sigh. I guess this means a call into the Census Bureau Help Desk. So, Monday morning, I made the call. After wading through the mire of automated voice messages (both in English and para Espanola) I finally get to a human. The conversation went something like this:
“Hello, and welcome to the United States 2010 Census Bureau Help Desk. My name is Andre`. How can I help you today?”
“Hey, Andre`. My name is Curtis. How are you doing today?”
“Uhh. I’m fine. Welcome to the United States 2010 Census Bureau Help Desk. How can I help you today?”
“Well, Andre`, I received our Census packet this weekend, only there seems to be a small problem. The packet I received is actually addressed to a different residence, so I’m calling to ask what I should do about that. Can you help me with this?”
“Please hold while I look up the correct answer to your question.”
“Okay.”
Holding and thinking that Andre` must be new if he needs to look up the answer, but that’s alright. I appreciate his diligence in trying to get it right.
“Sir?”
“Yes, Andre`”
“Thank you for holding the line of the United States 2010 Census Bureau Help Desk. I have the answer you requested.”
“Okay, thanks.”
It is apparent at this point that Andre` is reading from a script “If you have received the incorrect United States 2010 Census Bureau form and have completed the form . . .”
“Hey Andre`, let me just stop you right there. I haven’t filled out the form, I just opened it.”
“Oh. Please hold while I look up the correct answer to your question.”
Holding and thinking that this might turn into something tedious.
“Sir?”
“Yes, Andre`”
“Thank you for holding the line of the United States 2010 Census Bureau Help Desk. I have the answer you requested.”
“Okay, thanks.”
It is apparent at this point that Andre` is again reading from a script “If you have received the incorrect United States 2010 Census Bureau form and have NOT completed the form, please return the form to the United States 2010 Census Bureau and write ‘wrong address’ on the outside of the envelope.”
“Okay, I can do that.”
“Okay, Sir, thank you for calling the United States 2010 Census Bureau Help Desk. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”
“Well, yes there is, Andre`. Can you tell me how to then get my correct Census form?”
“Oh. Please hold while I look up the correct answer to your question.”
Holding and thinking that this IS turning into something tedious.
“Sir?”
“Yes, Andre`”
“Thank you for holding the line of the United States 2010 Census Bureau Help Desk. I have the answer you requested.”
“Okay, thanks.”
It is apparent at this point that Andre` is back to his script “In order to answer your question, I will need your United States 2010 Census Bureau Identification Number.”
“Uhhmm. I don’t have that. How can I find out what that is?”
“Sir, your United States 2010 Census Bureau Identification Number is located on the front of your United States 2010 Census Form.”
“I don’t have my form. That’s why I’m calling.”
“Sir, in order to answer your question, I will need your United States 2010 Census Bureau Identification Number, so since you don’t have that, I will send someone to your residence to help you fill out the form.”
“No, Andre`, please don’t do that. I don’t really need help filling out the form, I just need the form. I think I can handle filling out alright.”
“I’m sorry, Sir, but in order to answer your question, I will need your United States 2010 Census Bureau Identification Number which is located on the front of your United States 2010 Census Bureau form.”
Sigh. “Andre`. Can you see where we’re having a bit of an impasse here? I don’t have MY form, I have someone else’s form and therefore I don’t have my identification number to give to you in order for you to send me the correct form.”
“I’m sorry, Sir, but in order to answer your question, I will need your United States 2010 Census Bureau Identification Number which is located on the front of your United States 2010 Census Bureau form.”
Sigh. Okay. Well here’s what I’m going to do, Andre`. I’m going to send back the incorrect form as you have instructed and if you all want me to fill out the correct form, then you’ll need to send it to me. Other than that, I really don’t see that there’s anything else I can do here.”
“Okay, Sir, thank you for calling the United States 2010 Census Bureau Help Desk. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”
“No, I . . . think we’re done here today.”
“Okay, Sir, thank you for calling the United States 2010 Census Bureau Help Desk and have a nice day.”
“Yeah, so long, Andre`. You too.”
